Gummy Bear

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:15:42 GMT

i forgot about this one... this shit has some repressed memories on it!

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 02:44:09 GMT

no fat chicks aloud

<3

random thoughts in the talking mood...

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 09:18:51 GMT

i havent felt this way in a long time... lol its a weird feeling i dont mind it that much i jus wish i could breathe a lil more... and it wasnt so hot... so i guess u can say, that im writing in this because i know no one would read it and im in the talking mood.

its kinda sad... someone told me never change for anyone... and here i am changing for every person i meet.... so so that i dont even know who i am anymore... :-\ lol i get a usual check on my parents because their scared im not ok... (its been like that for the last 2 years) " are u ok? need to talk? i know we havent been around, tomorrow ill leave u money and my car and u can go do whatever u want were sorry we havent teached u shit, that kind of talk"

my mom calls me her biggest mistake, not only because i wasnt planned nor was i expected at birth but she didnt raise me.... so i guess u can i was kind of the only kid out of the 3 of us that wasnt raised, by my mom persay.

i need to find myself... and what i really want and what really matters to me, because right now alot is jus a blur... i dont care about this but i care enough to do this, but i dont care enough to do this which really isnt shit....

its funny that people ask alot of questions... I ask alot of questions but if anyone asked me a lot of questions i would feel like they actually care... or are really interested, but if anyone asked me questions like i ask questions and i told u the truth and u listened to it all... (well i dont think we woulda gotten through it all) bottom line is if u knew half of the shit that i did u wouldnt even talk to me anymore... so i guess i gotta be very thankful or greatful that its not that way... so i cant really be that tripped out when u dont tell me shit...

i wanna leave again but this time i dont wanna come back...

im looking for appartments... seriously i am... kinda funny because i need a job first but i can do that at the snap of a finger jus im waiting for the right one to come...

~~its the thought of u..... it wasnt u~~

i wish it was possible for me to go to bed before 2

i really miss alot of people but i call them and ask them if they wanna chill and they also got their own thing going... so i guess pushing my way into someones life is annoying and isnt good and is bad because i had a few people do it to me i understand why i dont get the call back or the text back or even an im when im online....

i realize all this shit yet i dont know how to change it... because a few weeks dont change everyone elses mind.... and the ones that do care and call me and wanna chill i miss it... and then when i call them back i dont get an answer.....

i know no one is gonna comment this or read it... so i guess u can say if this was my suicide letter no one would know till later...

summer time isnt suppose to be used at a computer all day

summertime isnt supposed to be spent in bed wondering where u went wrong in life...

where did i go wrong???
i had it all..... ~~(in my opinion)~~

(takes drink, pops pills, repeat)

for me it was never quantity it was quality....

single minded to the point of recklessness

its funny how down to my very smile changed and everyone notices it except me.

i jus wanna see that smile one more time because it doesnt exist anymore, before its not even for me anymore... i want to be seen with that smile... i wanna be wanted, i want to be missed, i want too much.... i want not enough, i dont ask enough of myself... i need a light (light).... i need to run away, i need u, i dont want u, i dont have u, u dont even like the way i breath, talk, look... i need to move... i cant move, i need a job, i need a blow, i need a puff, i need a sniff, i need a cigg, i need a drink, i need some pills....

i had something that everyone wants now.........

goodnight! and goodbye to those who actually read this...

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 04:11:44 GMT

my mom said we have a weird relationship.......

silly mom....

<3

just thought id throw that out there....

P.s your movie too...

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 12:23:31 GMT

prettty thighs (5:09:50 AM): Well, I hate to tell you this, but as long as you think that - everyone else will too. Noone is going to help you, only you can.

i like it but i hate it....

right now i need u... .

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 07:31:10 GMT

george leaves early, kelley comes late.... these are the things that i love to hate..... chillin with the boys apart of a crew.... they thought i was sad, only if they knew..... people calling names, things stayed the same.... i wish i had someone to blame, no one but myself and myself is all i have, so i write this poem that sounds like shit, hoping to god that i dont slip... tryna stay cool tryna be sly, so i guess this is goodbye....

wow i thought of this piece of shit when i was peeing...

:-\

i need something

i miss someone

goodnight

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 07:32:26 GMT

ok first day of summer basically...

the beach was coooo... chilled played catch with rey talked hung out... cooo night...

tomorrow the plan is beach.... thursday i have an interview for that job.... hopefully soon i get some sort of car.... hopefully i dont sleep all day like ive been doing waking up at 11 and then sleeping till 7 and then gettin home at 12 and then sleeping till 11... lol not good.... well goodnight guys...

those summer nights came, im just missing one thing....

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 02:47:04 GMT

ok im done.

whats next?

TODAY

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 04:14:52 GMT

today seemed like a true summer day...

woke up chilled watched some tv... chilled went swimming (felt good)..... went to eat.... chilled out side, played with the baby... ahhh i missed her soooo much.... pete got a hemi..... went to his momz house.... came home.... hopefully gettin concocked tonight....

frank is a really good advice giver.... he makes my life way better...

Sat, 27 May 2006 17:30:47 GMT

~today i get my haircut
~last night was random
~pete is back and is skinny as shit
~im labeled as the nicotien assassin
~i think someone is mad at me for something totally wrong.(its cute)
~X3 was pretty good, jus u know.
~tonight a party in north lb

bye

sigh

Sun, 21 May 2006 21:04:57 GMT

ok its may 21, and i must say 1 more blue day, 2 more days of finals, and 1 trip to fucken disney land..... and then im done.... :-)

friday was really funny and fun.... never played that before.

saturday it was really coool, like cool, if u stop to talk to someone for a certain amount of time, u learn more shit about them... and appreciate them more. also another weird observation, everytime i come around, your always hugged up on someone, sitting on someone, or doing something with someone everytime i come around... i think it weird.

but anwyays, all and all.................................... fuck it

Thu, 18 May 2006 06:25:34 GMT

im almost 18 and i dunno... i have a bad liver, bad lungs, bad heart, and my eyes are bad, so now im 18....

:-\

i dunno if i should be sad because i cant have what i really want, or happy for THE PEOPLE WHO DO TRY.

oh well it doesnt matter anymore....

my stomach hurts...

Tue, 16 May 2006 05:14:07 GMT

i know its in 3 days...but

happy fucken birthday huh....

:-\

is it me? or is it them? :-\

i recgonize this feeling, and im not going back...

Tue, 16 May 2006 04:08:35 GMT

day 3.... 1-2 so yeah tonight were taking 211 bong rips... hopefully no one dies.. and we are all ok

dont worry

Sun, 14 May 2006 10:40:46 GMT

i dont know what to write either... <3

oh yeah

Thu, 11 May 2006 21:40:38 GMT

well i forgot to report day 2 it was another start again but a lil better we went 2-2 so now were 3-4 is it??? either way its not good.... as darryl and my bro and kevin say its "pre-season" but its not... welll to me its not...

3 more weeks tilll GRADUATION!!!

1 more week till im legal.

2 more weeks till finals.

4 more weeks till i sleep everyday....

:-)

today b ball

Tue, 09 May 2006 07:28:38 GMT

day 1 we are jus starting out again give us a few weeks... D jinx comes back tomorrow so hes an addition to the squad, especially shot wise.... we start 1-2.

i need to get classes too so next time yall see a nigga ill have bifocals on... <3

Mon, 08 May 2006 05:52:47 GMT

tomorrow i go in for my eye test.... i know i need glasses i jus need to get them prescribed... so thats what im doing tomorrow... and the lakers lost, so imma be watching the clipper and suns game... prom was kinda really ehhh... i wanted to go with someone else, and the person i went with was with someone else... so i was alone most of the night :-\.... after prom kinda the same story... jus alcohol was involved... so i guess u can say nothing new....

<3 goodnight...

ok then and now

Fri, 05 May 2006 19:16:17 GMT

i use to be confused, but now i just dont know anymore....

:-\

Wed, 03 May 2006 04:22:24 GMT

happy birthday mom... your my favorite... but shhhh dont tell dad...

hmmm :-) yeah.

to everyone..

Tue, 02 May 2006 06:57:12 GMT

fuck!

i jus wrote the longest hateful, greatful, wonderful, loving, caring, fucken shit that i needed to say in this gotdamn fucken journal....

my point to this journal would be fuck it because NO ONE FUCKEN LISTENS TO THIS SHIT ANYWAYS i do say all this shit for my health... (takes a drink and pills<repeat>)

when i meet most people im drunk
so dont get me wrong if i talk to u and i dont fucken know your name.

monday fuck it lets drink
tuesday night forties...
wednesday hump day, we cant fuck so we drink
thursday one more day till the weekend, fuck it lets drink
friday fuck it lets smoke and drink
saturday for sure im drunk
sunday fuck lets go to the park or go for a ride and drunk, and then hit up a movie??

(takes a drink and pills<repeat>)

fuck i need my thing that helps me quit this shit... instead of going to the park to drink on sunday go to the park and have a picnic, like we use too. or lay in your room and watch a movie, like we use too.

sorry but now.... no one cares how fucken fat i gotten, no one cares how much i drink, no one cares how fucken stupid ive been acting, no one cares no one cares...

i played basketball today and it made me feel good... because it took all that bad shit outta my head, and stupid people that fucked with my head, all those who messed with my heart and head.

(takes a drink and pills <repeat>)

fuck, how bad am i? how fucken bad have i gotten.... i think about most of everything that i write here..... fuck eveything.

fucken feelings man....

Mon, 01 May 2006 07:01:54 GMT

so yeah... i didnt mean shit to get that far... but it....

thats a double meaning, ones for talking shit to someone, and another was getting stoned and drunk to wear i couldnt move...

so yeah i decided, fuck it, dude u have 2 weeks of actual school left, a month of actually still being a senior.... and yeah i dunno people always say if u make it beyong high school youll make it... now most of my friends i made it throught their high school shit even college life... im stuck in their lives for good... and

happy birthday marisa.... and my momz b day is on tuesday so yeah... <3

shit i dunno im so tired of being alone im so tired on my own....

talking to myself.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 08:54:57 GMT

sigh ok tito u promised your self..... calm down... people get pissed.... but dont act on it... i dont act on it. i cant, it shows weakness, fuck i need something.... this shit is fuckin pathetic.... talk about patience and breathing and understand(which needs to be applied)

sorry livejournal, for taking my anger out on u, but i swore to myself i would never take it out on a person.

fuck.

<3

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 07:22:06 GMT

ive been poppin my collar ever since i can remember...

ok well this week went by fast... and yeah i dunno random things been happening but goood random... u know the kind that makes u feel good inside but not too good because of the fact that its random....

so yeah my momz b day is coming up and i wanna do some special shit for her.... but i have no talents.... so im fucked... welll imma hang out then go to bed catch yall later...

tonight was countdown it was fun.
tomorrow is marisas b day party..
saturday is a sick ass session that is very much wanted....
sunday is a great day for a sun- day

nobody

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 03:17:30 GMT

i was ready my old journals and everyone commented... and now no one comments... but what i really came to say was i was a fucked up lil kid... i was reading my journals from way back when... but also they were some goodtimes... i mean i met alot of cool people here... even the girl of my dreams... crazy huh...

i dunno jus thinking... kinda lonely and bored... <3